Tell me the ways in which I can colour my canvas more?My hands quiver and my heart palpitates further.The thirst remains unsatisfied,after embellishing my writing canvas with umpteen colours,is there a colour lacking still?I wrote with black and then with red,sometimes in vain and often in zeal.The paradox of learning the art still invigorates my very will.Oh how I loved the beautiful inks,the various synonyms for each emotion..sometimes fragile and sometimes sturdy.
More and more I feel connected to my canvas,the beauty in it is indeed in my system,like the art of addiction,yet not compulsion.The words and writings explain my deepest colour,oh do have you discovered yours yet?Go deep and dig further,till the ink explains your piece of earth in which you live.Is mud your thing or the valiant,bright flower?
There are moments,when your heart stops responding.Moments when you hate the mere faces you see around,specially the masked one.The feeling is intense when the emotions you have finds no partner for love-making,or to be heard.Like a twig that falls from a tree but nobody cared enough or picked it up,healed it.That twig is all stale and just lying nearby its parent tree..Yes it actually happens.
I feel it.Like things choking and not coming back to me.Suffocating it might be.For sure it is profound.
I question my existence is a reality or a myth for my thoughts seem myths to other.So what better I become now?A myth yet again?Perplexing conjecture become the hard,raw truth at times..you see it and don’t want to accept it… yet you know,there it is..your part of lie.Sore and naked.
How obnoxious our minds get at times,when our stomach aches nothing but pain,how crucial life gets to see a turbulence in our entire mind.Emotions get wrapped up as a package of miseries,unspoken hate and more worries.Those time takes us back to square one,where the roads once were bruised just like our heart.The soreness bites our little grinning thoughts that might have appeared through our smile,yes,it happens.
What do we do next?
There have been desolations since centuries after bloodshed,wars and this time the havoc comes when the peace in our heart is blacked out just like the charcoal.The brutality of times can never be said,there shall come,kill your innocuous soul and move on,it’s us who needs to erase the past,the past of hatred…the past of scratches,for there comes a beaming sunshine and a splendid view that shall scintillate our heartbeat and give us that bounce and once stolen thunder.
And my dear,that beam is still in you so sparkle more and unravel your solitude once again.
Okay,so if we have everything still we crave for something better,unsatified!If we score 99%,we crave for that 1%,unsatisfied.If we have all the apples of life,we still will compare our lives with others,whether we check instagram,facebook..as soon as we see others making us feel bad by posting their happening lives,we become unsatisfied.Why?
Why this happens we can’t take elation in our own surroundings?Why post everything on social media like others?Is that the real way to show we are happy?We need to let peace kiss us,when it actually wants to.
We need to be satisfied in what we have,if it’s hard,we should practice it,till we excel in it.
You ask how my body smells of you?You ask how I breathe for you?The atlas of my body shall show you the destinations.It shall reveal all the vulnerable points of my body,like summer meeting its cool breeze or love kindling in the most rawest form,wild and free.
Come,I shall count the ways,I fancy you,like the brightest moon sparkling the dark skies,making the sky worth a glance.Like the infinite kiss one could imagine,with equations equal to exemplary delicacy.Like the ways,it shall be divine with you in mind and your thoughts wild awake in soul.So fresh and dewy you are,come count the ways front and back.
I shall take you to the fragments of my mind,then visit you in my intoxicated mind that hold the pictures of you,all intensified to the core,with colors of your love,red being the prominent one.The splash of colors remind me,your impeccable horizons,I crave.You exist in my veins,come peek into my blood,for it shall proclaim your love,for it shall declare my utmost desires,the unheard prayers of my fragile soul.Come once again,I shall show you the mirror of my heart,you shall know that it is all you,for you.
I got married a week ago,with all the decorative designs of mehandi..I still looked the amazing of all which even my darling husband agreed.When getting married,I had a row of turbulent thoughts about my marriage..the bondages that I had heard of,the orthodox family I shall be entering..with no benevolence towards the new bride.My brother teased me the amount of tedious work I shall be doing,but my life was not what has been raved in the small village of Tamil Nadu.I knew since my childhood,God had a special coloured box for me..in which he stored all the mesmerizing things that could be hard for others to achieve.I was a sturdy child and a lady of strong belief.It was always hard to shake my rigid belief,for anyone.
Post marriage,my life did change much,with the amount of roars I got to prepare all the sumptuous dishes which was like I was supposed to be the great Indian chef even if my sisiter- in law’s food tasted alkaline to be precise.Apart from all the major dressing changes that I went through and I know how much I hated to put bindi each single day on my forehead,there was something delicate that filled the void in my desolated life.My husband’s tall,chivalrous posture made me tickled since the day we tied the unbreakable knot.The vows meant nothing perhaps the time I chose him,but later I inhaled all the mirth of it.The air in which we lived was amazingly divine,like nothing could beat the heat,no matter what.The disputes always ended in roses.He,never failed to put a morning dewy smile on my face and that was my only makeup I remember,besides the bindi of course.I knew,post marriage my laws are going to be tough for me or even the new house won’t fulfill my insatiable desires for almost all the things.But,I have had him..for now..forever.I knew that was all I desired.
And,today..I wear my bindi substantially for him,with my fragile smile still being my best makeup.
P.S- Don’t hit the like button prior reading this post,you won’t hurt my feelings.